So a story had popped up in my flist, but when I went to post a comment it was suddenly protected. If I wasn't meant to read it... I'm sorry! If you're fighting with LJ coding and locking it to keep from interfering with flists... That is horrifically unlucky and I hope there's someone from the LJ staff whipping their ass to help you. Because that? Is just not good. _____ If you were interested in feedback: This is beautiful. Your voicing is brilliant, really feels like Missouri saying her piece. I love the way you put it together. Such minimalistic action and heightened commentary doesn't always work, you know? I especially like how you tie in the old rules and the importance of names, how it bookends the story and holds it together.
My only complaint is that So this story's called Cadaver feels a little repetitive so close to the paragraph where she's decided if it were a story, it'd be called Cadaver. As a monologue being spoken it could totally work, because she'd pause where you've got the divider. But in terms of being prose the divider isn't enough to pull that off. Which is no big deal, because it feels so much like her talking. :)
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Date: 2008-09-08 12:56 pm (UTC)_____
If you were interested in feedback:
This is beautiful. Your voicing is brilliant, really feels like Missouri saying her piece. I love the way you put it together. Such minimalistic action and heightened commentary doesn't always work, you know? I especially like how you tie in the old rules and the importance of names, how it bookends the story and holds it together.
My only complaint is that So this story's called Cadaver feels a little repetitive so close to the paragraph where she's decided if it were a story, it'd be called Cadaver. As a monologue being spoken it could totally work, because she'd pause where you've got the divider. But in terms of being prose the divider isn't enough to pull that off. Which is no big deal, because it feels so much like her talking. :)
Kudos!