And I'll meet your further on up the road: the flipped side of the coin

[ultraviolet9a]

>> And I’ll meet you further on up the road: the flipped side of the coin

 

TITLE: And I’ll meet you further on up the road: the flipped side of the coin

AUTHOR: ultraviolet9a
SPOILER: A lot possibly. Especially after in my Time of Dying, Croatoan and Hunted.

GENRE: Gen. Has a future tint to it.
CHARACTERS: Sam Winchester, (Dean Winchester)

SUMMARY: The world. A gun. A brother. A choice. (more details on NOTE.)

RATING: PG-13. Cuz of bad language.
FEEDBACK: Dude…duh. 
DISCLAIMER: I try and try but I still don’t own them. So I’m angsting them a bit today.

NOTE: My photo teacher always says how it’s good to try out various angles on the same subject. I thought that could apply here. Companion piece/sequel to And I’ll meet you further on up the road. Read that one first. Not that this one can’t stand alone, it’s just that it’ll feel…different.

 

Now I’ve been out in the desert:

 

Sam doesn’t like the hunt. What he hates most about it is a tiny little fuzzy detail that would have Dean thrashing with laughter: Sam hates the taste of blood in his mouth, yet somehow always manages to end up tasting it. Bloody damsel in distress, he’s thinking. With Dean always coming through for him. Dean has tasted a lot of blood too, especially for Sam’s sake, but he never complains, and if he doesn’t, Sam might as well shut up about it.

 

He still hates the taste of it, though.

 

It tastes like dirty nickels. Chewing coins is not his idea of fun.

 

When Dean had told him The Secret Sam remembers tasting it again. He had been biting the inside of his cheek, because he knew Dean would notice if he chewed and bled his lips, but he couldn’t help himself, needed something to vent the immense amount of grief that came over him. And guilt. And Dean shouldn’t find out about it. Ever.

 

Sam doesn’t understand his brother sometimes, but he knows Dean’s been through serious shit even if he didn’t have his girlfriend fried up against the ceiling.

 

When he was with Jess, in college, in a semblance of normal life, he had forgotten about it. Forgot how Dean feels like his own personal haven. The easy breathing on the next bed, the smartass mouth, the strength in him. The willingness to die for Sam. This, Sam knows without a doubt. Dean would die for him. Dean would die and thank God he had the chance to do it.

 

Dean is haven and his pillar of strength but Sam now realizes how Dean’s also a man, and a man can only take this much, and if dad hadn’t died the way he did Sam would want to pummel him for burdening Dean’s shoulders so bloody much with that choice. The world. Sam. Sam. The world.

 

Sam doesn’t think that he could ever step over to the other side, but then again, neither did Darth Vader, did he? Nor Gordon. Stepping over is easy, because you never notice it happening, and sometimes the hands sidling you stealthily over are beyond your control. You just get caught up in the whirlwind and you let it carry you to a dark wizard of Oz.

 

But that doesn’t matter to him. The world, Oz, the other side. What matters is Dean.

 

And the seed is sowed:

 

Sam thinks something is intrinsically wrong with him. That wrong shaped wire or ancient curse is what makes all he loves wither and die. Mum burnt over him. Jess burnt over him. Dad died too. And maybe the world will end because of him.

 

He didn’t choose it, didn’t choose to have visions and ESP and if he could he would return all that and to hell with the world.

 

He didn’t choose his life, and he suspects that Dean won’t let him choose his death either. See, he knows his brother. Dean would do anything for him. Dean would take the burden from him. Dean would bear the weight of choosing between death and life and Sam and the world.

 

I’d rather die before I see you dead, Sammy, Dean had whispered once.

 

I know, Dean, Sam had whispered back.

 

I know, he’s thinking now.

 

And Sam’s thinking, that yes, something is intrinsically wrong with him. People always die around him and in some way it is his fault. He knows, because he feels guilty. And if he gives Dean the choice, he might as well have killed Dean himself. But Sam knows. Knows. The world for him is his brother. And this one he’ll save.

 

Sam will take away the choice.

 

One sunny morning we’ll rise, I know:

 

Sam hates the taste of blood. It tastes of iron, metallic like dirty nickels.

 

So when he uses his mind and makes Dean’s gun fling to himself, when he feels it solid in his own hand, he doesn’t put it in his mouth, but the temple.

 

He’s seen hell, so he believes in heaven. He believes in salvation.

 

And salvation is not for the world. It is for his brother.

 

Sam pulls the trigger.

 

-The End.

Comments

[faithette.livejournal.com]

Wow *is stunned*

The the the... I don't even know how to describe what I'm feeling...

You did a fabulous job with this set of stories... you showed their unbreakable bond in a whole new light and it was chilling and sad and beautiful...

Excellent work!

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

That's one of the nicest things I've heard! *hug* Thank you!

And yeah, i'm a sucker for unbreakable bonds of this sort, the ones that make humanity appear noble and shiny and what it should be about. A total sucker, am telling you.

[daydream03.livejournal.com]

What faithette said, times 100.
Twice.
Damn.

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

*hug* Thank you.Times 100.

[skyebanshee.livejournal.com]

That...that...*blinks* wow.

The words are beautiful and tragic and sad. You can feel Sam's love and adoration for his brother, and it makes the ending that much more hurt-y (Which yeah, isn't a word, but the best I could come up with).

The world for him is his brother. And this one he’ll save.

Oh, Boys.

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

I am so happy that you liked it! Thank you so much!

[derselbe.livejournal.com]

De-lurking to say how very much I liked this! Very pretty and angsty, and I love that you used Further on up the Road because that's on my own personal SPN mix.

Also, I am in love with your icon.

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

I'm a delurker! Go me! :) Thank you so much for your comment, and i'm glad we share same taste in lyrics. And icons. Obviously. :)

[tigriswolf]

"He’s seen hell, so he believes in heaven. He believes in salvation." -- Beautiful.

The whole thing is gorgeous.

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

Am glad you liked it! Thank you! :)

[hiyacynth.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD YOU KILLED SAM!!! OH my god, I totally didn't see it coming; I had to stop and go back when I hit that "he doesn’t put it in his mouth, but the temple" bit because I so didn't get what he might possibly be doing with Dean's gun. OMG!

Um, yeah. I need to go back and reread Dean's piece now.

WOE!!!

p.s. great job.

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

OH MY GOD YOU KILLED SAM!!! Just a little bit. Teeny weensy bit. *cough*

Am glad you didn't see it coming though. I wanted to make it in a punch kind of way, so hey! It worked!

WOE!!! Uh...I'll write happy fics from now on? :)

ps thank you *hug*

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

OHHHHH!!!

*Screams*

Onnnoooonononooooo!!

*Claws self*

*Wallows in the lovely dark despair*

*Adores you*

*Sniffles*

*Clings*

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

Didn't mean to make you sad or anything, but can i mention for the record that i'm really glad it made you react this way? Story's working, go me. :)

Seriously, thank you.

u t r

[purple-pauline.livejournal.com]

it like your inside ther heads good real good

Re: u t r

[ultraviolet9a.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!