Very nicely done. I love your John voice throughout this piece, and the way you show him forging a new, important connection.
Comments, by part …
Scent
Interesting look at one of John’s encounters with another hunter. I like that, toward the end, he reassesses her and lets her help out a bit.
Favorite lines:
There’s fear permeating everything, the musky texture going deeper than death.
Great desription!
Touch
I like how he finds out a bit more about her here -- that she’s not on her first hunt, that she had a partner -- and I like how he tries to pass down some wisdom.
Favorite lines:
“You call that order?”
*g*
He shrugs.
“It’s my order. Makes sense to me.”
Yeah, sometimes one person’s mess is another person’s order.
Sight
Love this section. John+training=fun.
Favorite lines:
“What if I need to pee?”
“Then you’d better work fast.”
LOL!
“What would you have done if I hadn’t?”
“I would have left you there.”
Vintage John.
“No matter how hard I look, John, sometimes I still have no idea if you’re messing with me or not.”
“Part of my charm.”
*snickers*
Sound
Oh, this one hurts. John, so desperate for the connection but not getting it until the end, and then feeling loss even in the midst of it.
“Say my name,” he insists between his own gasps, pressing her down. He needs that anchor, can’t afford to fool himself with memories of a dead wife
Good analogy, with the anchor, and I love the need that bleeds into his voice here.
“Goddammit,” he mutters. It stuns him that he is the one feeling hurt and defeated. “Goddammit.”
Oh, John.
“Mine’s not the voice you wanted to hear,” she says.
This hurts. And merits another “Oh, John.”
“Sara,” he says. Doesn’t finish the plead.
“John,” she whispers and kisses the nape of his neck. “JohnJohnJohn.”
Lovely.
His hand is warm. His ring isn’t, and feels as heavy as memories.
Great, hurty analogy.
Tasty
Good ending section, nicely showing how this relationship, this woman, affects him.
Nod, car, drive, miles.
I really like the phrasing here. So much wrapped up in four words.
Her taste lingers in his mouth long after their goodbyes. He never admits it.
Oh, John. He feels so vulnerable here, but of course he doesn’t let her see that, has an image he has to maintain.
no subject
Comments, by part …
Scent
Interesting look at one of John’s encounters with another hunter. I like that, toward the end, he reassesses her and lets her help out a bit.
Favorite lines:
There’s fear permeating everything, the musky texture going deeper than death.
Great desription!
Touch
I like how he finds out a bit more about her here -- that she’s not on her first hunt, that she had a partner -- and I like how he tries to pass down some wisdom.
Favorite lines:
“You call that order?”
*g*
He shrugs.
“It’s my order. Makes sense to me.”
Yeah, sometimes one person’s mess is another person’s order.
Sight
Love this section. John+training=fun.
Favorite lines:
“What if I need to pee?”
“Then you’d better work fast.”
LOL!
“What would you have done if I hadn’t?”
“I would have left you there.”
Vintage John.
“No matter how hard I look, John, sometimes I still have no idea if you’re messing with me or not.”
“Part of my charm.”
*snickers*
Sound
Oh, this one hurts. John, so desperate for the connection but not getting it until the end, and then feeling loss even in the midst of it.
“Say my name,” he insists between his own gasps, pressing her down. He needs that anchor, can’t afford to fool himself with memories of a dead wife
Good analogy, with the anchor, and I love the need that bleeds into his voice here.
“Goddammit,” he mutters. It stuns him that he is the one feeling hurt and defeated. “Goddammit.”
Oh, John.
“Mine’s not the voice you wanted to hear,” she says.
This hurts. And merits another “Oh, John.”
“Sara,” he says. Doesn’t finish the plead.
“John,” she whispers and kisses the nape of his neck. “JohnJohnJohn.”
Lovely.
His hand is warm. His ring isn’t, and feels as heavy as memories.
Great, hurty analogy.
Tasty
Good ending section, nicely showing how this relationship, this woman, affects him.
Nod, car, drive, miles.
I really like the phrasing here. So much wrapped up in four words.
Her taste lingers in his mouth long after their goodbyes. He never admits it.
Oh, John. He feels so vulnerable here, but of course he doesn’t let her see that, has an image he has to maintain.