Mar. 9th, 2009

So...

Mar. 9th, 2009 08:09 pm
ultraviolet9a: (Default)
... I passed by an accident on my way home. It was a head on collision thing, ambulances all around, saw a guy on the ground and... man... i tried catching the local news but so far I came up with zilch. I so hope everyone is alright. I mean, I had a really good teaching day today, i was singing as i was driving back and suddenly i came across this and my knees got weak and shit, people. Shit. I just hope this people are alright. *sigh*

I don't know what else to tell you. It's been a weird day. I saw this commercial where there is this grandpa and his grandson, something about bonding and chocolate and pretty boats in a greek island, and i realized i miss my grandpa.  He died way back in '88 when i was still young but i miss him.  I was loved by him and it was palpable. I still got my granny left, and that's grand, but i miss grandpa too. And i know i've been lucky, so lucky, i am being loved so much (and i love so much) my family, but it's just... i miss granpa. He had this dimple on his chin and he had careful moves and he used to pat my head and tease me and watch me play in the yard.

And just... who the fuck creates life when one is taking it away, huh? What kind of creator is that, if there is one? What kind of cosmic plan? Ta panda rei and all that shit that Heraclitus said, yeah, i know, what don't change dies, but even if it changes it dies anyway and i don't know.  I wish i believed in afterlife, but i have a rough time believing and it makes it so... i don't know. On the one hand every little worry seems stupid, just stuuupid, and on the other you just... i can't deal with shit like that. Don't wanna deal with shit like that, don't want to think about the cosmic vastness because everything seems so small compared to that.

And my cousin is going to start chemo soon and it just... I don't know. It's just... weird brain chemistry today, is all.

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